the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
