let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
