After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
