I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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