i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
