don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it's like heaven, but drunker
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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