whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
