C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
