Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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