Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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