could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
