My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
