She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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