i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
