I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize