Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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