Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
