ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
