Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
