Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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