I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
