I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
