Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
