I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
