I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
