i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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