she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
either way he was missing a nipple.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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