Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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