How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
