I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
