She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
