puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
