you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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