This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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