remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
