sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
