i just google imaged poop.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
