Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
