I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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