You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
