You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
