I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize