i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
