But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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