I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
