I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
