jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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