end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
