I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
