Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
