you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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