we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
