I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She's the barista slut.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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