Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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