it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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