i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
