So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize