hotel room ftw
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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