Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
