I think I am morally bankrupt
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
