Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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