you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
