Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
