Got a toothbrush?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
