Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
