Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
