Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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