Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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