Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This is the high leading the old right now
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
