I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
