I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize