Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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