**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
