So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
