i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
