We need to rekindle our bromance
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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