I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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