I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
