it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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