I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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