I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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