so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize