rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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