if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
