So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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