I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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