I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
