I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
