the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
