his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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