Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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