she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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