I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
