people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize