I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
