I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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