this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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