Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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