Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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