# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he was CRYING into my vagina
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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