im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
