saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize