At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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