...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
