R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Boobs speak an international language.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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