everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
