Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm at about main and main street
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
