I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
