Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
