u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize