It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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