Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
