...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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