if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
