we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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