Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
