if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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