Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
